Out with the old, in with the new..

So it's been a while since I last posted. I was in the process of leaving my current job for a new one, so these past 2 weeks have been hectic. Today is my last day at the current job and I am so excited that it's here. Of course, today is also the day that Tropical Storm Fay is hitting my area, so that kind of puts a damper (haha) on my last day. I'm taking a job that is more related to my other profession, massage therapy. I cannot wait and believe this will be a positive change for me.

There were plenty of days when this current job had me so stressed that the first thing I would do when I left was eat. I'd leave here and search for whatever food I thought would make me feel better. This new job is a much more positive environment and I truly believe that will make a difference on my overall attitude.

As much as I hate my current job, it'll always hold a special place in my heart. This job allowed me to meet a man that is more wonderful than I could have ever imagined. We've worked together for the past year and a half and dated this entire time and I've loved every minute of it. While I'll miss being able to walk down the hall to see his handsome face, I know our relationship will continue to grow. This job brought me love. It also brought me a lot of close friendships that I truly appreciate.

My battle wounds

Or lack thereof, I should say. A question I always get when someone finds out about my surgery is "how bad are your scars?". As I've said before, the LapBand is done laproscopically through 5 incisions. The longest incision (less than an inch long) is where the port is placed under my abdomen and then there are 4 other 1/8 of an inch incisions around my stomach. One is to the far right, one is the far left, one is right under my left breast and the other is between my breasts. I wouldn't even call those incisions, more like little nicks, they're so tiny! These little scars are my reminders of what I'm doing to change my life and I wear them proudly. A friend of mine had a tummy tuck about a week before my surgery and she was ASTONISHED at my the size of my scars. I think she thought it was going to be more like an open gastic bypass scar and she was looking forward to comparing our scars. She didn't even want to show me hers after seeing mine. I barely even notice mine sometimes because they've faded dramatically and are very smooth.

I have one other major scar which is on my right knee and I got it mountain climbing in Greece. I know, fancy, right? I wear that scar proudly, too. Don't be afraid of the scars - they stand for so much!

Things to Remember While Losing Weight

I hesitate to use the word "diet" because it sets a negative tone for me. I've never had success dieting, so I'd rather not associate that word with what I'm doing. I'd rather call it my "life change" because that's what I'm doing - changing my life. It's not like I'll stop watching what I eat or stop exercising once I hit my goal weight -I have the maintain this for the rest of my life. But there are things that make it hard to do this. There are so many life elements that can get in the way of succeeding.

1. Food is everywhere. It's at every social event, there's a fast food place at every corner, and there is a food advertised every other commercial. We'll never be able to get away from it, so how do we deal with this constant parade of cheeseburgers and pizzas in our face? Easy. "If I eat that, I will die". That sounds dramatic, but how true is it? If we keep eating the way we do, we'll eventually die from some obesity-related disease. "If I eat that, I will die and my family and friends will have to live without me". If you're going to an event with food, eat before you go. Eat something healthy so that when you get there, the need to eat is gone and you have a better chance of passing up the food. Drink as much water as you can and the urge to tear apart that buffet will pass.

2. Portions are LARGE these days. Just because you're watching what you eat does not mean you can't go OUT to eat. If you decide to go out, know that the portion on your plate is going to be more than you can eat, especially if you've had weight loss surgery. There is no way I can physically finish a meal anymore, so this is something I often deal with. A great tip is asking for a children's meal or ordering an appetizer. My doctor provided me with a card to give to a manager that basically says that I've had bariatric surgery and cannot consume large portions. But you don't need this card to eat out. If you order a regular meal, ask for a to go box to come out with your meal. When it comes out, immediately put half of your meal into the box and then eat the remaining portions. This gets the majority of your meal out of your line of sight and out of your stomach. Or you can share a meal with someone, if the restaurant allows it. There is a way that you can eat out, enjoy your meal, and not overeat.

3. You have to plan. If I didn't plan my meals, I would definitely have a harder time staying on course. If I didn't make my lunch the night before, you can bet your sweet tush I'd be eating out every day. If I didn't bring my oatmeal and banana for breakfast, I'd partake in the breakfast buffet my work often has. If I didn't have a dinner in mind on the way home, I'd be stopping for chinese. It's also important to write down what you're eating. It makes you accountable for your food intake and keeps your portions in control. It's so easy to forget what you ate or think you ate less than you did. Leaving your meals up in the air spells disaster. Plan, plan, plan!

2nd Fill

On Saturday, I had my 2nd fill in Moultrie, GA with Darlene. I received another cc of saline into my band bringing me up to a total of 2.6 cc's in a band that can hold up to 4 cc's. So, I'm over half full. I haven't felt a lot of restriction yet, but I'm confident it will come. I hope this fill really helps me lose a good chunk of my goal weight as my next fill won't be until October. (Darlene only does fills every other month)

Here's to good restriction!

A Look Back

In 2005, I almost died. In July of that year, I suffered some of the worst headaches I've ever had. Headaches that left me retching into the toilet and unable to stand up on my own. On July 26th, my 20th birthday, I was admitted in the hospital for possible meningitis. I had a spinal tap and it revealed I had an infection in the my spinal fluid, but it was later found out that it was not meningitis. My doctors felt I had pseudotumor cerebri. It is found in obese women only and causes spinal fluid to build up between your optic nerves and brain, causing severe migraines and loss of eyesight. For the next 2 months, I suffered from this. I had over 7 spinal taps and 5 MRI's. Because of the rate I was throwing up, they gave me an anti-nausea medication that I was apparently allergic to and it nearly killed me. I suffered several severe seizures and spent 4 days in the ICU in a state of hallucination that scared the hell out of my parents. At one point, the doctors told them to invite family to town that might want to say goodbye to me. By some miracle, I came out of that, but still suffered from the headaches and I began to lose my eyesight in my right eye. My eye crossed and I lost the vision in it almost completely. The only thing that kept the pain at bay was a high dose of Dilaudin (sp?) that was administered every 4 hours. I became addicted to it during my stay and the withdrawal process was terrible.
I was finally released from the hospital after 2 months, but still suffered. While some of my vision had come back, my eye was still crossed and my speech was slurred. I can only describe it as knowing what I wanted to say, but not being able to physically say it. I STILL have trouble with that, 3 years later.
My parents and I drove to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville to meet with a neurologist, Dr. Capobianco, and he strongly felt I had a condition called Bartleson's Syndrome. This is a condition caused by abnormal spinal fluid that causes severe migraines and motory, sensory, speech, and visual disturbances. This is also related to overweight patients, primarily women. In almost all cases, you recover completely, but it CAN happen again.

Motivation for losing weight doesn't have to be for vanity purposes or because you're made fun of or want a change. There are serious medical conditions caused by obesity that CAN be prevented, just like mine. Every day, I'm scared it'll happen again. Every headache makes me wonder if it's like the headaches from that time. The period of my life was so scary for both me and my family and I can't imagine going through that again.

I've definitely come a long way since then. I gained more weight gradually after being released from the hospital until I got to my highest weight of 248. I will NEVER get to that point again. My life depends on it.

Vacation Lesson Learned

I mentioned in my last post about my vacation to Panama City that it was a disaster food-wise. I am happy to report that this past weekend's vacation to Panama City was a food success. My family and I rented a condo that was fully furnished with a kitchen, so we did all our own cooking. What a difference that made! For breakfast I usually had eggs, toast, and a banana, for lunch we made sandwiches and for dinner we cooked chicken, veggies, rice, etc. It was all great and I felt so much better about myself. I also was a lot more active this time around. We spent countless hours at the pool and beach. My calves are SORE from all the walking my boyfriend and I did on the beach. We celebrated our birthdays there and my parents got me custom sports bras that are especially made for bigger breasts. I used to wear my regular bras which weren't suited for exercise because I couldn't find a sports bra that was A) big enough and B) gave me any support. These are great and they even have underwire in them like a real bra. Yay! Combined with the athletic shoes my boyfriend gave me, I'm all set!