OA

Today I made the decision that I need some extra help with my weight loss. Right now, I'm just kind of maintaining my 30lb weight loss. Not losing more, but not gaining, either. I looked into Overeaters Anonymous and found a group that fit my schedule at one of our hospitals here. I read the list of ways you can tell if you're an overeater and I fit EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. Here is the list from their website, www.oa.org

My answers are in all CAPS.

1. Do you eat when you're not hungry? ALL THE TIME
   
2. Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason? SURE - ESPECIALLY WHEN I'M ALONE
   
3. Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating? ALL THE TIME
   
4. Do you give too much time and thought to food? YES - I DAYDREAM ABOUT FOOD
   
5. Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone? YES - SO I CAN EAT WHAT I WANT AND HOW MUCH I WANT
   
6. Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time? YES - I PLAN WHEN MY BOYFRIEND WILL BE GONE OR AT WORK SO I CAN EAT ALONE
   
7. Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone? YES - AROUND OTHERS, I TRY TO MAKE GOOD CHOICES AND THEN OFTEN GO GET MORE FOOD ONCE I'M ALONE
   
8. Is your weight affecting the way you live your life? ABSOLUTELY
   
9. Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal? NUMEROUS TIMES
   
10. Do you resent others telling you to "use a little willpower" to stop overeating? YES - I WISH THEY REALIZED HOW HARD IT IS
    
11. Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet "on your own" whenever you wish? HELL, I GOT A WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY THAT I THOUGHT WOULD MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER
    
12. Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime? ALL DAY, EVERY DAY
    
13. Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble? YES, ESPECIALLY THINGS THAT MAKE ME SAD OR DEPRESSED
    
14. Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition? OBESITY
    
15. Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy? MYSELF AND MY PARENTS WHEN I WAS GROWING UP - THEY WERE CONCERNED

So clearly, dear readers, I have a problem that cannot just be solved by the LapBand. I need to treat my head, too.

Lack of Updates

I don't know if anyone reads this thing other than myself. Normally, I don't care, because it allows me to get my thoughts out in front of me. I guess the reason I haven't updated lately is because there isn't much to report. I haven't made much progress since I lost the 30 lbs. I've just kind of maintained that weight and can't get over the hump. I feel bad that I had my surgery 6 months ago and all I've managed to lose is 30 lbs. I know, 30 lbs isn't a small feat, but I feel like it is compared to what I see other lapbanders lose. One girl had hers done in February and has lost over 80 lbs. I want to be that person.

Gas

One side effect of the surgery is that I'm filled with more gas than I was before. Although, sometimes it's not a bad thing. At least once a day I have the most satisfying, deep burp that comes out of nowhere. It always feels like a ton of pressure is released and I feel light as a feather afterward.

Of course, I get the OTHER kind of gas, too. Mainly at night when I lay down. Let me tell you, my boyfriend LOVES that. He thinks it's hilarious that I can't keep it in. I knew this would be a side effect, but I guess I didn't realize how often it would occur.

Shame

Just when I thought I was on a roll with this blog, I up and desert it. I'm sorry. But we all know that life happens and let me tell you; life happened. Pretty much all good things, but time consuming, nonetheless. Interestingly enough, I've been updating my handwritten journal almost nightly. That was something I used to have a lot of trouble with, but lately it has been second nature to jot down my thoughts for the day when I get into bed.

Things with my boyfriend are going wonderfully. We had a successful trip to Ohio. More than successful - we didn't want to leave! My grandparents loved him instantly as I knew they would. Especially my grandfather, who is one of the country's leading professors in African-American literature. He and Arthur never ran out of things to talk about. He called us a "beautiful couple" and it was such a wonderful trip.

My weight loss has been...well, a moot point lately. I haven't lost anymore, but I haven't gained anything either. I guess it's not too bad, but I do feel like I eat a lot more than I should be. Last night I had TWO pieces of baked spaghetti. TWO! The point is that I can actually finish food whereas before I'd always have food left on my plate. I don't know if this warrants a trip to the fill nurse to may sure the saline didn't leak out, but the payment for the fluroscopy machine is pretty high and I can't afford it right now. I'll see how things go after the New Year and make a trip up there if I'm still struggling.

Spanx for the memories..

My life has been turned upside down. Suddenly, everything is brighter, sunnier, more full of wonder. Not really, but I have been introduced to an amazing contraption called Spanx. I have a very formal wedding to go to in Tampa this weekend, so I went to Lane Bryant to search for a dress. I found a beautiful black dress on sale and tried it on. I was mostly happy with the way it looked, except for the stomach area. While my stomach has gotten smaller, it still doesn't look great in certain fabrics that show every little indentation or ripple. The saleswoman could see my hesitation about the dress and when I told her why, she said, "let me get you a pair of Spanx to try on". Well, you would have thought the Hallelujah chorus was singing the way my face lit up when I saw the dress with a pair of those bad boys on. Everything was firm! Everything was smooth! I looked amazing! I instantly bought the Spanx, the dress, and another dress for the rehearsal dinner. I tried on all my other dresses that I've had the same problem with and it's like I'm wearing brand new clothes! I want to wear the Spanx with everything and the saleswoman said that some people do.

While the Spanx take a while to get on, they're not uncomfortable, they don't roll down like panty hose or other body shapers, and they actually WORK. For $36.00 a pair, it's completely worth it. Since they do take a while to get on, they even have a hole in the crotch so you can pee without taking them off. Sounds kind of porn star, but totally convenient. I would recommend Spanx to ANYONE who has ever had a tummy issue and didn't buy a certain outfit because of it. I plan to put my Spanx to good use!

Ohio

So my boyfriend and I are going to visit my grandparents in Athens, Ohio in October. I'm very excited about this trip as they have not met him and I know they'll love him. They're not really able to travel down here anymore and I haven't been up there in almost 10 years. I love where they live, it's a beautiful farm house and they often have deer walking through their yard.

I'm also excited about the flight. My boyfriend and I have not yet flown together, so that's fun. I also haven't been on a flight since I went to Tijuana for my surgery and that was the first time the seatbelt almost didn't close. I had to really strain to get it to close and it was uncomfortably tight. I'm 30 lbs lighter now and hopefully will be another 5lbs lighter by then, so it'll be interesting to see how the seatbelt fits. If I don't have to strain, it'll be a lovely little victory.

Update

Mother hubbard, it's been a while since I updated! I began my new job and I absolutely love it. I love going to work, I'm not in a bad mood when I go home, and I don't find myself looking at the clock every 10 minutes. This job has proved to be very beneficial to my mental and physical health. My last job was a pretty big company and you know what that means; potluck lunches and PLENTY of people to go to lunch with. Now I work in a small company with just 3 other people and I have less lunch time, so I find myself bringing my lunch more and more, which is a lot healthier. I can see a difference in my body each day. Lately, my face has been looking slimmer and my much balleyhooed "skinny" jeans are too big! Yay! I also fit into my shoes better and can wear cuter shoes that before would make my toes look like stuffed sausages.

I also haven't updated in a while because right after I started my new job I got sick. Nothing band related, thankfully, but still SICK. I was bitten by something after T.S. Fay hit and got a staph infection. I went to the doctor, but I was allergic to the antibiotics and pain meds they gave me. Actually, I don't know which one I was allergic to since I took them at the same time, but I wasn't about to experiment and find out. I threw up so violently that the capillaries in my face broke from straining so hard that my face was bruised for days. I looked like Violet from Willy Wonka. Thankfully, I got on some better antibiotics after that and the infection went away. And on a morbid note, I lost 2 lbs from throwing up. I know, I know - bad way to lose weight, but hey - at this point I'll take what I can get. :)

I've set a mini-goal for myself to lose 20 lbs by Christmas. That will put me in Onederland! It has officially been 3 years since I weighed under 200lbs, so that will be a big accomplishment for me.

I know that I will definitely be getting a breast reduction once I've lost the majority of my weight. My insurance company has always said they'd cover the surgery once I lost weight. My breasts have always hindered me and cause a lot of neck, shoulder, and back problems. My main concern is having a tummy tuck/panniculectomy. A panniculectomy is the removal of the "pannus" or overhanging skin around the abdominal area, mainly under the belly button. I've had one as long as I can remember and it really bothers me. I end up buying pants that are too big for me so that it'll fit around my mid-section properly and it ends up being too big everywhere else. It prohibits me from exercising properly and I often get bad skin irritations under it, near my pelvic bone. Surgeons usually recommend people that have had gastric bypass or LapBand to wait 1 year after the surgery before having that done so that the major health problems with obesity can subside. Thankfully, I didn't have a lot of health problems, so I'll probably make an appointment with my doctor after the New Year to discuss my options. I'm not really concerned with having a flat stomach as much as a stomach that allows me to be active and productive.