Milestone

This past weekend I reached a milestone. I have officially lost 30 lbs. I decided to use my highest weight to calculate this rather than the weight I was when I made the decision to have surgery. My highest weight was 248 and I'm down to 218. This is the most amount of weight I've ever lost in one attempt. The only time that came close was when I lost 19 lbs in 2005, but that was because I was hospitalized for 2 months with viral meningitis. Not eating anything tends to do that. But now I'm losing weight the healthy weight. I was so excited when I saw the scale read 218 that I cried. Not sobbing, but just quiet tears of disbelief and excitement.

With that excitement comes fear. The fear that I will now plateau and not lose another pound. I have my second fill scheduled for August 9th, so that should help kick start things again. I would have had my second fill sooner, but the fill nurse near me only does it every other month. I'm looking forward to it as I'd like to get as close to 50lbs gone by the end of the year.

I know I've lost a lot of inches off my body. I didn't start recording them till July 6th, which was stupid, so I won't measure myself again till August 6th. I can tell because I'm fitting into clothes I haven't worn in a while, I went down a bra size, my face looks slimmer and my shoes are starting to get loose. This Saturday is my 23rd birthday and I'm going to wear a top that I bought for a Christmas party last year, but couldn't fit into it. The buttons kept popping open and it looked like my boobs were trying to escape. I tentatively tried it on the other day and voila! It fit! And I looked damned good in it, too!

Physical transformations can do a lot for your self esteem. It can either strengthen it or tear it apart. This past week I have truly felt beautiful. My boyfriend always tells me I am, but it's another thing to believe it for yourself. I got a new hair cut, which I love, so I've been spending more time getting ready and really looking at myself in the mirror. For the first time in a long time, I like what's looking back at me.