The Worst Parts

Nothing about being fat is good. There is never a time when you say, "Boy, I'm glad I'm a fattie!". Now, some people have better outlooks than others, which is great, but there is no real upside to being overweight. There are a ton of downsides. Over the years, I've had many moments where it hit me like a ton of bricks and I thought I'd share them. I'm hoping in later posts as I lose more weight, that I'll have a "The Best Parts" post to counter this one. I'm confident I will. :)

The first time I shopped at Lane Bryant for pants. I could no longer fit into Old Navy's pants (I don't think they had a Women's Plus yet) and I was MORTIFIED. My mom, bless her heart, tried to make it upbeat by saying how good the jeans looked on me, since all my Old Navy ones cut into me like twine around a pot roast. Nothing about that day was fun. I cried in the dressing room, I cried on the way home...it was awful. I tried desperately to hide my Lane Bryant bag between other bags so no one would know I shopped there. Over the years, Lane Bryant has been my primary source of clothes peppered in by some tops and dresses from Old Navy and New York & Company. I cannot wait for the day where I don't have to shop there for ANYTHING.

The first time I could barely fit into my desk at high school. It was the first day of 11th grade, homeroom, and I basically had to stop breathing in order to sit in that desk. Over the next two years, my stomach progressively hung further and further over the edge of the desk and my butt crept over the sides. I was SO relieved that my desks in college were much bigger and I could sit behind them easily, but I still had much less room than most of the other students in my classes.

My cousin's wedding in 2004. I was a bridesmaid and they had to custom make my dress. It was a gorgeous ice blue two piece. The top was strapless and made of gathered material. They didn't have a size big enough to accomodate me, so I had to order two and the seamstress altered them into one that fit. I hated that dress so much that I burned it the day after the wedding.

The first time I got off a ride because I couldn't fit. Now, no one told me to get off, but there was NO WAY I was going to fit. The bar simply wouldn't close and I was not about to ask for help. I got up and walked off, ashamed of myself.

The first time the airplant seat belt almost didn't close. This happened on my way to be banded. I was flying from Valdosta, GA to Atlanta, GA and I couldn't make it close! Finally, I sucked in as much as I could and shoved the belt down as hard as I could until I heard it connect. I was out of breath and sweaty then, but I damn sure wasn't going to ask for an extender. It was very painful to have it that tight. The rest of the flights (from Atlanta to San Diego and back) I pretended to put it in and kept a blanket over me so the attendants couldn't see it. I knew I could never have it that tight after the surgery from being swollen and gassy.

My best friend's bachelorette party, July 2007. We all went down to Orlando for a weekend of fun. All the girls there were thin and gorgeous. I was already intimidated, but I was determined to have a good time with my best friend. We went to a club one night and it was jam packed, so we had to walk in single file. As we walked in (I was last) I heard these two guys commenting on my friends. They said something along the lines of how all of them were hot and how they had the obligatory DUFF with them. Designated Ugly Fat Friend. I knew what it meant and I glared at them, but walked on by without saying anything.

The first time a family member called me fat to my face. Granted, he was 4, but it still hurt. My sweet little nephew, Andy, loves to give people hugs. One day he hugged me, looked up at me and patted my stomach. He asked, "Thea, (Aunt in Greek) why are you so fat?" I was in shock, but I answered him honestly. "Because I eat too much, sweetie". He said, "Oh" and walked away.

There are a ton more. These are the ones that have stuck with me throughout the years. Don't get me wrong, I have a great life. But it's been infiltrated by the downsides of being overweight. I'm hoping this next phase of my life will have more positive moments.